courageforfreedom

The Dilemma

Fri, 22 Jan 2021 13:30:46 GMT

She couldn’t lift her head off the pillow this morning.

The shame she felt was overwhelming today.

Could she deal with her guilt and shame today or would the easier answer be to take the pills that constantly sat on her nightstand just in case she ever found the courage?

Why didn’t she listen when they told her? They said it would start with ‘him’ looking like the ‘perfect boyfriend’ at first. “If it feels to be good to be true, it probably is” was how the one girl put it. She had heard that cliché so many times and didn’t believe it as it was like so many other ones, just empty words, or so she had thought. But now she wished she could go back to that day in school and tell herself to listen, pay attention, believe everything they were telling her.

But she didn’t.

She had not believed any of this could have happened to her and some days she still couldn’t believe it actually did.

She should have. Remembering back, she recalled the blond girl saying that she thought the same thing, and yet it happened to her too. How many times have we heard stories like that before? “Still,” she thought, “I was told. I didn’t listen.”

She couldn’t remember how the blond girl said that she had gotten out… I am sure the blonde girls little sister was not threatened by her ‘boyfriend’ if she tried to get escape.

She would do what she had to, to protect her sister!

She couldn’t get out of bed yet. Why should she? She didn’t need to be at ‘work’ until 5 pm. She wasn’t hungry. She didn’t have any motivation to get up and do anything. She couldn’t even begin to think of having a hobby. She couldn’t be bothered to try and make any friends, as her ‘boyfriend’ usually got rid of them in some way if she tried.

Her mind drifted back to the man that stood in the doorway when she dropped of the present on Christmas eve. Her little sister’s new daddy. She knew her sister would be ok with that family. She could tell the man was a gentleman. Not a drunk or an abusive man like their real father. She wondered what the new mom was like, or was there one? She hoped not, she didn’t want her little sister looking up to her. Jealousy sank in.

If something good could happen for her sister, then maybe she shouldn’t give up on herself. She sat up in bed with a small sense of motivation. She could check online and see what options she had. She would have to go to the library as she couldn’t check the phone her boyfriend gave her. He would find out as everything she did was linked to his phone.

Stepping out of the shower onto her little hand towel she heard him slamming the door. She didn’t want to lose the inspiration she finally was feeling. With her newfound motivation, she dressed quickly, breezed out of the bathroom, and smiled her most charming smile.

One look from him stopped her in her tracks.

“Why did you piss off your date last night? He was not happy and wants another date and this time free of charge. You better be nicer and do what he wants or else.”

“Right now??” She questioned, quivering.

“No, you stupid fool, but you will be picked up an hour early as you still have to do the other dates too, and even if you have to pretend, you better ‘enjoy’ every one of them tonight.”

“Or what?” I screamed back at him before I had even considered the consequences of that question.

He loomed into her face so quickly, pulling her head back with a fist full of hair. Glaring into her eyes, he growled in a low whisper “Or I will find your sister and make her my new ‘girlfriend’.”

Tugging on her hair even harder as he glared at her in hatred reminded her of the time he pulled her into the bathtub, covered her mouth with a cloth and poured water down her throat. She thought she was going to drown. She didn’t want him to do that again and so with her head pulled back and tears in her eyes she choked out her consent.

Muffling her scream, she shrank away from him as soon as he let go. Glaring at him she refused to be the first one to look away. Knowing her defiance would probably cause her more pain, she still couldn’t allow him to know the full extent of her fear of him. If she did, she would lose herself completely.

Believing she was aware of her precarious position, her ‘boyfriend’ turned and left her room.

Defeated, she sank onto her bed again. She won’t have time now to go to the library.

With the additional date added to her schedule, she only had enough time to get dressed, grab a quick bite, and tidy her room. Her driver would be here soon and the one thing that kept her sane after a night of dates was walking back into a tidy room when she got back. Not understanding that mental game she played with herself, but knowing it gave her some semblance of control.

Resting her head back and closing her eyes, she tried to relax while breathing in some fresh air from the slightly rolled down car window as her driver took her to her first date. She was trying not to think about enduring that boorish man again tonight.

She started thinking about her little sister. It was a mind game she played with herself that helped her to not dwell on the shame she knew she would endure with each date. She loved to imagine her playing games, going to school, having lots of fun with her new family.

Her eyes flew open as she heard her little sister giggle. Even though she assumed it was just her fantasy that was playing in her head she hoped she was wrong. She hadn’t noticed they had driven in the direction of the park that was close to her little sisters’ new home. Swiftly scanning the park she spied her. She was sliding down into her new daddies’ arms. Hugging him she squealed with joy.

Thinking quickly she asked the driver to stop for a minute, explaining she felt sick. Knowing none of the drivers wanted to clean up that kind of mess she pretended to gag.

It worked.

He stopped.

She stepped out, went to the back curb where the driver couldn’t see her and looked out towards the park.

The new daddy swept her little sister up and onto the top of the slide again.

Warmth spread through her heart as she watched the joy sweep over her sister’s face. She could sleep better knowing her sister was taken care of.

The dilemma was, did her boyfriend know of the new daddy. Would her little sister be safe if she tried to escape again?

What more could she do?

Standing up from her crouched position behind the car, she looked over her shoulder as she walked to the car door and noticed that the new daddy was watching her. He smiled and gave a slight wave.

Timidly, she waved back, wondering how he notice her from this distance after only seeing her once at Christmas time? And more importantly, could she trust him to keep her sister safe. She couldn’t let anyone notice her watching them. She needed to leave and not look back.

Disclaimer:

Although many of the situations in this story are potentially what a human trafficked girl goes through, this is a fictional story.

Is Human Trafficking Awareness Important?

Fri, 22 Jan 2021 12:56:43 GMT

When it comes to the safety of our children, we don’t think twice about making our children sit down and listen to us over and over again about the ways to keep themselves safe. So why, when it comes to keeping your child safe from being human trafficked are we not as diligent.

Here are 3 main reasons that people are not being as diligent as they should be on this subject.

They think, feel, and believe “it won’t happen to me or my family.”
They are not aware of the dangers.
They lack reinforcements in their lives to understand the current realities.

We need to understand that anyone, any time, anywhere can become a target. The hunters look for vulnerable people and are good at what they do.

They watch and wait.

They check out people at schools, on social media, in group settings to see who the most likely victims are. They ask the right questions and find out what the victim needs to feel safe, loved, secure and wanted. In other words, they find what is missing in their lives and find a way to fulfill those needs.

When society can start to understand what causes someone to be a victim, we can start to stand in the gap for those people and save them from becoming the next person trafficked.

The 4 most popular ‘needs’ the trafficker is looking for and is willing to fulfill.

Wanting independence and or to get away from what they perceive are controlling guardians/parents.
The need for money and or drugs.
Looking for some excitement and or glamour in their lives.
Feeling loved, popular, special.

As we can see this last point is verified by Stats Canada where they state that: Almost one in three victims were trafficked by a current or former intimate partner. A common way in which traffickers initially lure or groom victims is to position themselves as trustworthy, through false promises or pretenses of romantic interest*

As adults, we need to keep the lines of communication open with children.

We need to be talking to them whenever we can about this topic. Waiting until they bring it up is not always going to work.
We need to go to our school boards and ask them to get more education put into the system regarding Human trafficking. Or have professionals come and train on this as a special event so that the child is getting information not only from home but from outside sources.
You need to attend and or sign your child up for any courses you see regarding this topic that will help them see and understand this is not just you as a parent pushing a panic button, but it is you doing what you can to keep them safe.

Mary’s Night Before Christmas

Thu, 24 Dec 2020 14:02:33 GMT

Mary’s night before Christmas.

‘Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house

Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse;

The stockings were hung by the chimney with care,

She knew St. Nicholas would not soon would be there;

The children were nestled all snug in their beds,

While visions of sugar-plums danced in their heads;

While mamma was snugged into bed for a nap

I snuck out again to sit in his lap.

When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,

I sprang from his bed to see what was the matter.

Away to the window I flew like a flash,

Tore open the shutters and threw up the sash.

The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow

Gave the luster of mid-day to objects below,

When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,

But a van came to a halt, full some of my peers,

He was a good look guy, so lively and quick,

I knew in flash it was my pimp, Nick.

More rapid than eagles his girls, out they came,

And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name;

“Now, Danni! now, Darcy! now, Princess and Kitty!

On, Janet! on, Sugar! on, Esther and Lilly

To the top of the porch! to the top of the hall!

Now dash away! Make some hay! Make money, Y’all!”

So up to the hotel rooms each of them flew,

With some great little tricks, and some alcohol too.

And then, in a twinkling, I heard through the walls

The prancing and pawing, and each of their calls.

As I drew in my head, and was turning around,

At the chimney my ‘John’, he looked like a hound.

He was dressed in fur, on his head and his foot,

Wearing nothing more, but a spot of soot;

A handful of ‘Toys’ he pulled from his back,

As he pulled one out he gave me a smack.

His eyes didn’t twinkle! his scowl not merry!

His breathing was harsh, his smirk kind of scary!

His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow

The scratchy beard of his chin was white as snow;

The stump of a pipe he held in his teeth,

And the smoke it encircled his head like a wreath;

He had a broad face and a little round belly,

That shook when he stood, like a bowlful of jelly.

Although chubby and plump, not a jolly old elf,

And I cringed when I saw him, in spite of myself;

A wink of his eye and a twist of his head,

Soon gave me to know I had much to dread;

He spoke not a word, but went to work,

All I can say is he was a bit of a jerk,

So selfish and crude, he struck quite a pose

Giving a nod when done, up he rose;

He sprang to his car while giving a whistle,

And away he went, while I felt like a thistle,

Heard him yell to himself, ere he drove out of sight,

“Merry Christmas to me, I had a good-night.”

*original poem ‘A visit from St Nicholas’ was by: Clement Clarke Moore

Christmas Cheer, Or Tear?

Wed, 16 Dec 2020 14:29:40 GMT

Christmas immediately brings to mind the hustle and bustle of putting up decorations and lights around the house and spending that one night with hot chocolate and cookies while you trim the tree. The excitement of buying and wrapping presents. Getting the house full of the traditional candy’s and treats. Buying the biggest, fattest stuffed turkey you can find. Ensuring that everyone’s favourite foods are in the house to be ready to prepare for the big feast on Christmas day. All of which brings many of us Christmas cheer.

Most of us cannot fathom that Christmas might be a time of fear, anxiety, and depression.

However, there will be some that:

The Husbands decides he wants to leave and spend Christmas with a different family.
That wonder if they will have enough to eat.
That will become vulnerable and might head back to sex work as they will not have the support system in place due to front line people taking well deserved holidays.

That will be sneaking out after everyone is in bed to go take care of a ‘client’. (click on this link to read a poem on this)
That will have some sweaty guy who does not have a life all over them instead of being at home with their parents.
That have lost their parents, spouses/partners and possibly some children and will have no one to come for traditional Christmas feast.
That will have beautiful presents under the tree but will have a mom cringing in the corner with fear until her husband leaves.

That the Dad decided in a drunken stupor that molesting his child was his Christmas gift from that child.
That will be yelled at and possibly abused because their mom was just sexually attacked by her husband and is taking it out on the kids.
That will be the brunt of some brute who is using her body to get out his frustration out on her because his wife ‘will not satisfy his needs’.
The dad comes home and announces that he lost his job, and there is no money for presents.

Christmas can be so hard for so many different reasons.

Although your Christmas might be full of cheer, there are many who will have a lot of tears. This time of year more than ever, it is the time of great excitement or great fears.

Take the time to:

Pay it forward when going through a coffee shop. Just buying someone else lunch might make a world of different for them this whole Christmas season.
Offer to pay for someone’s groceries if you see they might need that extra help

Drop by some gifts to families you know have had a rough year and might not have many, if any under the tree.
Speak words of kindness to those that seem sad or depressed. People who have come from abuse need to know that someone noticed them. How easy is it to tell someone they look nice today, or compliment them on something you saw them do or accomplished?
Look someone in the eye and smile. You never know what kind of day they are having, or if they are dreading the Christmas season.
Christmas is one of the hardest time to be lonely so invite someone who is all alone to join you in your Christmas celebrations..
Give money and or your time to charities that take care of homeless or families in need.
Give someone a hug that looks anxious or is afraid.

Offer to give a girl some money so she does not have to go to ‘work’ Christmas eve in order to buy food for her Christmas dinner

It takes so little to help others.

We need to count our blessings, and realize that many, many people are not going to have a Christmas full of Cheer, but in fact will have a hard, lonely, depressing Christmas, and will probably shed some tears.

Written by:

The Gift, That Wasn’t Wrapped

Wed, 16 Dec 2020 14:10:16 GMT

Lifting her head slowly off the pillow she realized it would be easier not to worry about what was causing her leg so much pain.

An easy answer lay on the nightstand table that as she went to reach for it, her eyes fell upon the present that was on the windowsill.

Instead of reaching for the pills, she used her energy to try and sit up.

She could do it, she could get to the bathroom.

Falling into the bathroom door jamb she felt nauseated but knew she would not be sick as she hadn’t eaten in a long time. How long, she wondered? Who cares, she thought. Instead, she reached for the shower knobs as she decided the easiest way to clean the wound was to have a shower. She didn’t have the strength or ambition to try and do anything more.

Has the tepid water ran over her body she once again thought about finding a way not to have to go to work. Seeing no other alternative, she turned off the water and dripping wet, stepped onto the tiny hand towel she used as a mat. Looking down she realized that having shorts pulled on and off her, all night was going to cause that leg a lot of pain, so instead, she reached for the skirt. Her only other ‘suitable’ outfit for her job. She didn’t like the skirt much as it meant easier access and a lot more groping, but the alternative pain caused by the shorts was going to make the skirt the better option tonight.

She wandered back into the only other room in her apartment. Her eyes fell on the present again. She walked over to the window and looked out at the tree that was just outside her window. It was the closest thing she had to a Christmas tree which is why the present sat on the windowsill.

She gently picked up the present and tried to picture what her sister’s life was like now. Was she happier? Was her new daddy mean or would he try and touch her?

Reaching for the pill bottle on her stand, taking two to try and numb the pain she put the bottle and the present in her small bag and left the apartment.

Crawling into the Uber she gave the driver the new address. Maybe if she dropped the present off before work instead of after she’d get a chance to see her little sister.

The man who opened the door was tall and slender and seemed to have a nice smile. He recognized her right away and told her that her sister was already in bed.

Reaching into her bag she pulled out the present and handed it to him. The only word she uttered that night was to him as she leaned into him and said “the only reason I’m still alive is to make sure that her new Daddy isn’t like her old one”.

The man looked down at her with saddened eyes, gave her a brief hug and said “the best present you gave her was when you call the police on your dad. I promise you, she will have a better life.”

Tearing streaming down her face she turned to go and noticed the fully decorated tree and all the presents through the front window. Sadly, she smiled, lifted her head high, pasted on her ‘come get me smile’ and walked back to the uber.

Disclaimer: Although many of the situations in this story are potentially what a human trafficked girl goes through, this is a fictional story.

It Cannot Happen To My Daughter, Right?

Tue, 01 Dec 2020 14:39:01 GMT

We live in a good neighbourhood, have respectable families here. All my co-workers and friends are all ‘decent’ people, so there is no way it could happen to anyone I know, right?

Wrong!

The signs that someone you know and or love are being human trafficked.

Different hairstyles, new clothes, different friends, always on her phone, probably just means she mature, or has a new boyfriend right?

It’s subtle and sneaky!

You have to ‘want’ to see them, and for most of us we do not want to, or we did not know we needed to be looking for the signs.

Whether it is your child, friend or coworker, there are always signs that something is not right in their lives (victims), but most times, we don’t take the time to notice, or if we do, we think “not my problem” and bury our heads in the sand a bit further.

Did you know that about half (45%) of all victims of police-reported human trafficking were between the ages of 18 and 24. Nearly three in ten victims (28%) were under the age of 18, and the remainder (26%) were 25 years of age or older.* That means that your sister, cousins, friends, co-workers and closer to home, your daughters could be targeted, so you have to learn the signs.

Anyone who is ‘getting involved in a relationship’, could be someone who is getting groomed. On the outside, it all looks normal. But there are signs they are being groomed to be human trafficked, subtle signs. So subtle you have to look for them to see them.

How is it even possible for someone to be Human Trafficked in Canada and family and friends NOT know it:

During the early stages, it is thrilling. They have been told, ‘don’t tell anyone and as the ‘secret’ is fun they play along. Or their ‘boyfriend’ has told them, “your parents and friends won’t understand our kind of relationship” so let’s just keep it quiet for now. They obey because it adds a layer of excitement to it all. It probably looks like a regular relationship, but there are subtle things, that at first you just cannot put your finger on. Gradually, you start to notice that he tries to come between the “girlfriend’ and her parents, siblings, and friends. Doing what he can to separate them from loved ones.

They are being groomed, and they do not know it yet

Them obeying is the first step for the ‘groomer’ to know they have someone who is pliable and someone who would be a good candidate to be Human Trafficked. Someone who is willing to not only ‘break the rules’ but is excited to do so.

This is the honeymoon stage of being Human trafficked, and the victim doesn’t even know it. They feel euphoric. Someone loves them and not only loves them they magically have the same dreams, same hopes, same goals. They are perfect in every way, and ‘the boyfriend’ takes care of them in every way. Ensuring that everything they want, or need is taken care of. The victim has no clue that a trap is being set. Little do they know that their ‘relationship’ is not ‘their knight on a white horse’, but a ‘pimp’.

Those of us looking on, usually do not feel comfortable about what we are seeing if we bother to notice at all, but we just assume it is relationship issues and ‘they will work it out’. Or we ask questions, but not the hard ones. Not the ones that would give you the answers you need to know for sure if this was someone getting trafficked or not.

There are many different things we could be looking for that are quite simple that might be signs they are being groomed or are already being trafficked.

Their nail and hair are being done differently and or more often.
They have new clothes
A second cell phone.
They have hotel/motel key cards.

They have unexplained absences.
Their grades are dropping due to not being in school when you think they are.
They have a change of friends.

Their routines have changed.
The way they eat has changed.
The clothing style has changed
They are more irritable, or despondent

Any or all of these things could indicate that there is a problem. That problem could be that they are being groomed, Human Trafficked or their boyfriend or friends are abusive.

It could mean they just found a new set of friends and they are adapting to them. They could be suffering from low self-esteem and or depression and they are trying to figure out ways of overcoming those.

Guilt and shame are the biggest reasons people will not share what is happening to them.

Taking the initiative and starting the conversation without judgement is key and the only way to find out if they are being ‘groomed’, or if they are just dealing with something difficult. But that conversation HAS to be had. Check out Courage for Freedom and or other organizations that have some great resources to help you learn more.

No matter the reason for any changes in behaviour or their lifestyles, a conversation is a great idea.

Checking in with them to see how they are doing or to ask how you can help them is always welcomed. Anyone, but especially those that are being trafficked will need someone showing them that they are thought of and that someone cares.

We will do a follow up with a blog soon on what that conversation should look like

Not All Monsters Wear Masks

Wed, 28 Oct 2020 13:47:19 GMT

Not all monsters wear masks

Remember

When you did something wrong as a child?

To not get caught, what did you do?

You kept quiet, hoping no one noticed. If that did not work, you would blame it on a sibling. Not letting your parents see the truth was your goal.

As adults, we spill our lives on social media looking for praise, acknowledgement, and encouragement. Typically, we only show the good side of ourselves. We do not want anyone knowing our mistakes, our failures, or to see our dirty little secrets. Sometimes we even wear a mask so no one can see our darker side.

People who sell other people are evil and wear their masks well. They are crafty and do not get caught often even though they do not hide out of sight. Instead, they wear masks, trying to look like everyone else, doing everyday things. Disguising themselves so you do not know who they are.

Eventually the masks slip, evil becomes apparent. Many in our society have no problem attacking the evil to try and end it.

But what about the evil that is not wearing a mask?

Those sins that are not obvious to us.

The perpetrators may look just like you and me.

But are in fact ‘The Predators’.

There is evil lurking under the surface but for some reason is acceptable because, hey, this has been going on since the beginning of time. So it is ok, right? Take Epstein for example. How long was that going on before anyone was aware?

They are monsters without masks.

They look like the rest of us. They are integrated into our society so well that we have given them a common name. They are the ones that buy people for their personal, selfish pleasure, “The Johns”

Proven by the fact that it was not until recently – 2014, that a new legislation was enacted that made it a criminal offence to purchase sexual services *1.

To use an analogy here, the “john,” is the child in our society that is trying to place the blame on the sibling.

So why as a society, do we mostly focus on the sellers and not the buyers?

The term ‘supply and demand’ makes this question a valid one? Especially when it comes to the buying and selling of girls and boys and our young people. Without the ‘johns’ wanting to buy sex, there would be no need for the monsters that do wear masks – the seller, pimps, third-person facilitators.

Why are we not appalled that we allow the monsters that don’t wear masks (the johns) to be so ‘acceptable’?

They are Predators!

They are the ones ‘using’ other people for their own pleasure with no consequences.

Why are we not teaching the next generation to understand what true sexual relationships should look like?

We need to be the example with our own relationships.
We should be explaining what intimacy and respect for another person’s body truly is.

But instead:

We turn our heads away when our kids watch porn, and or use a ‘hookup’ site?

We have turned the sexual acts that are supposed to be part of a relationship, into an everyday, non relational thing. Something anyone, anywhere can have without any consequences. This is why the monster is not hidden. They don’t have to wear a mask. This behaviour is now acceptable. It is no longer a sin, and even if it is, that is ok, because ‘everyone’ is doing it. Right?

The moral line has been blurred. We have accepted that some cannot find sex without paying for it.

We rationalize it by saying:

They are too busy to have a relationship
They have a different, kinky, or insatiable kind of appetite
They have the right to have sex exactly as they want it, with no give and take.

We have done the next generation a disservice by turning our heads and ignoring this.

Being ‘polite’ by not bring it up.

For some, maybe even thinking that if they ignore these issues, it will go away or at the very least not infect any of their loved ones. All the while, their partners and their children may be buying sex.

We need to get back to the place where we teach our kids how to respect themselves and others.

That sex is an intimate bond between two people.
That sex is not just an ‘urge’.
That there are emotions attached to the sex act
That sex needs to include give and take for both parties without any strings attached.
That sex with others needs to be consensual and that both parties should leave the experience feeling satisfied and loved.
That sex should NEVER be bought.

We cannot let this continue to happen. We have to understand this is evil. That the buying and selling of anyone, but especially of our girls and boys must be stopped. Understanding that the only way to do that is to stop those that buy. Get rid of the demand, and there will be no need for supply.